You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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