I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
