I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
