Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
