May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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