how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
