who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
