Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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