Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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