I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
