You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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