My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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