It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
