He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
