i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
