Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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