There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
