If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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