is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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