Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
