just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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