I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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