he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
