So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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