There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
