Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
