The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
