uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
