Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He felt like a one man threesome
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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