I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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