standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
