I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
