Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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