highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
