he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Randomize
