The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
