i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hippo gnu deer
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
