Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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