My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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