Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
