Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
