You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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