he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
