I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
