According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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