just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
