just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
