so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
