I just threw up on my dentist
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
