Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
