I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
