who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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