walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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