And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
