I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
